He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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