nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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