oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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