I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
