3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
