It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Terrible idea I love it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
