Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're a waste of cheezeits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
