I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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