its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
