I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
