i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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