we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
