walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
