i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you traded sex for a burrito?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
