i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
