drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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