he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
