I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
