In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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