:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
