I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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