Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
