I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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