I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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