and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
