I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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