i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
