My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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