so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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