If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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