He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
