Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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