i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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