At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
