Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
