Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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