so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
