we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Soap is not a condiment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
