to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
