..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drunk is a universal language darling
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
