last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
