her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
