Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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