that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
