Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
