I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
