I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
