i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
