i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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