i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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