Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
