So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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