He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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