Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
