His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
