Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
