Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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