im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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