Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
