You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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