I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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