I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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