Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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