I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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