I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
