You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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