He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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