How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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