Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
