I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
