Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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