We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
