can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
